Does anyone else have a place they feel most at home? A place that is public but feels safe? Somewhere you can be yourself?
For me it is my local coffee shop. It is the place I come to meet up with friends and spill tea (figuratively speaking). Aside from my own bed, this is where I feel most comfortable. Coffee shops have always been that way for me, I even had my first date at one.
But what happens when something enters and disrupts that comfort zone? This was in the form of a “mysterious coffee shop guy” who we will call “Mark.” That is the name my friends gave him before I knew his actual name when I told them this story.
Note: This is an unfiltered diary with one exception, people’s actual names.
Now back to the topic at hand…
I come here frequently when I need to focus on homework and the like. A couple of months back I noticed him because we tended to be at the shop at the same time, which is not an unusual thing in this environment so I did not think much of it. Okay yes, if I am honest I did find him attractive but I have generally never been one to go up and initiate conversations with attractive individuals in my everyday life. Especially in a place where we come for uninterrupted work. I also knew there was no reason outside of that to introduce myself to him. Now enter the reason…
I was at work one day with characters at Tower of Terror. The point of that Character location is to interact with the guests in the ride queue and those below the balcony in the courtyard. It should also be noted that I am decent at remembering faces. I went up for one final time before my lunch break and took a look at the ride line and thought “why do I recognize that guy over there?” Quickly I realized it was “Mark.” We made eye contact, said nothing, and he continued on to the ride.
Because I am severely addicted to coffee, I get it at a cart by the exit of Tower on my lunch breaks. As we headed over I joked with my friend, “what if he’s exiting the ride while we are there?” She replied, “It is possible.” To which I chuckled in disbelief. As we waited for the drinks, take one guess at who exited the ride at that exact moment? “Mark.” We once again made eye contact, and this time around my friend caught him staring at me even after I looked away, so I assumed he may have recognized me as well.
After these instances I thought to myself, “If I ever wanted a reason to talk to him…this is it.” A couple of days later I planned, as per usual, to go do homework at the coffee shop. But I knew there was a chance I would run into him. I told myself I would only say something if the opportunity presented itself. I have forced things before and they did not work out. The only table available was next to his but I noted that he had headphones in and I did not want to be “that person” and interrupt. My head was going through all the nervous and anxious thoughts, like how others were sitting in our vicinity and would overhear my possible embarrassment. But shortly after that I saw my one and only opening, I said “what the hell” and walked up and introduced myself. This is not one of those fairy tale stories that ends with a “happily ever after.” We met literally days ago and have had brief conversations since but contrary to what you may think, this post is not actually about “Mark.”
Though I do consider myself a confident woman, I definitely have fears and insecurities which usually manifest themselves through nerves, anxiety, or “chickening out.” But that day I overcame that. I cannot even begin to fully explain the happiness and pride I have in myself for overcoming one of my biggest fears- rejection. That is truly one of the best feelings in the world. I had the opportunity to be confident and speak to “Mark” somewhere else. But being in my safe space in the coffee shop I felt more empowered to say hi, no matter the outcome. All of this to say, whatever your fear or hesitation- go for it, you never know where it could lead. Fearing rejection or a “no” is not a strong enough reason to not follow your gut and step out of your comfort zone. Who knows, you might miss out on something that could be amazing but will never know unless you take that step. But most importantly, do it for you and you alone.
Confidence is not ‘they will like me’. Confidence instead is ‘I’ll be fine if they don’t’.
-Christina Grimmie
"Jess" keep swimming 