"Calm down" 
"I know you have a smile in there somewhere" 
"Don't you think you're showing too much skin?"

These are just a fraction of the things women hear on a daily basis. All are things that have been said to me, personally. Though we have grown as a society, there are many biases that still exist. Whether we realize it or not.

The first thing I have noticed is the lack of verbal filters, which is not necessarily a bad thing, but the issue comes when people’s feelings are not accounted for. Growing up, I was generally happy in my own skin- but I did have a couple of insecurities about my body and some of the elderly women around me seemed to have a radar for them. One day at church when I was wearing a one shoulder, sequined teal dress with black leggings. A woman came up to me and asked “Don’t you think you are showing too much skin?” I replied, “If I was, my Dad would not have let me leave the house like this.” In another instance, I was wearing a strapless high-low dress. Another woman felt compelled to ask “Do you have help?” My young and naive self had no idea what she meant till I mentioned it to another friend who told me she was essentially asking if I wore a push-up bra. I look back and tell myself that no matter their intentions, neither of those comments were appropriate, not even in the slightest.

Fast forward to my mid-20’s, I was being trained to work for the First Order with Kylo Ren. It is important to note that we are told to have a more proper and stoic presence. My coworker and I were simply standing near the exit and out of the way, observing an interaction. As the family left, fully unprompted, the dad looked at us and said “I know you two have a smile in there somewhere.”

In another instance, I was working an event and at this event there was a belly dancer who was hired to dance around the venue and interact with the guests. I was placed in a position to direct anyone to the closest restrooms. At one point an older man walked up to ask for directions to said location. He was staring at the dancer as I began answering, he interrupted with “Hey, you remember when you danced like that?” I was not amused. I deflected and continued giving the directions.

At another event I was placed between the restrooms, bar, and buffet stations. A man approached me with a handful of grapes in his bare hand. He asked if I had recently eaten. And when I responded that I was not hungry, he still offered me the grapes. Regardless of how I felt- we were not supposed to be eating anything while on the job onstage. As I kept deflecting, he was persistent stating that he would “not tell my boss.” Eventually I had convinced him I was fine, but I was agitated that it was so hard to get him to accept a simple “no, thank you.”

But by far the most memorable moment for me was when I was literally cat-called. Back when I worked in merchandise I was on an early morning shift where we took in the shipments and stocked the shelves backstage. At the end we had to recycle all of the cardboard. The bins we had the cardboard in were large and deep, to an extent that I almost had to dive headfirst. As my coworker and I were completing the task, I volunteered to grab the pieces while she put them in the baler- as I bent over I heard a strange noise nearby. I perked up but only saw a few people passing and one custodial man standing nearby. I paid it no mind and continued my work. But I heard the noise again and perked up once more. The man was still there but began walking away. My coworker turned to me and said “did that man just ‘meow’ at you?” They ended up running into him shortly after and asked “Why did you make that noise at my friend?” and he replied “I saw a cat, so I meowed.” 🤢

I reached out via social media to get others’ take on this topic. Here are the things that were expressed:

• “Anyone who has ever called me bossy/bitch for saying the same things that men are praised for.” 

• “You’d be prettier if you smiled more.” 

• “Why aren’t you married yet?” 

• “They assume and judge me based on how many people I have dated.”

• “Growing up I was constantly told it wasn’t ladylike to act the way I did. I was such a tomboy, athletic and always outside. My family was supportive, but others weren’t as kind. I was told I was too fat to play volleyball because no one wanted to see me in spandex.”

• “The expectation that you can’t have a career and be a mom and if you do, it’s your responsibility to do everything by yourself with no help from your spouse/partner.” 

• “My ex-husband told me that if we had kids he wouldn’t help with the basics (diaper changes, bottles, feedings, etc.) because it was a woman’s job and the dad’s job is to ‘have fun.’” 

• “In short, I’m worth nothing because I don’t want to have kids.” 

One thing to note is that a lot of these comments were said years ago and have stuck with each and every one of us since. I am sure that if you asked any woman, she would say she has heard at least one of these comments in some form. Further showing how much effect our words have on the people around us.

Women are expected to have a warm and inviting composure. If they don’t, they are considered bossy, rude, or overly emotional. First off, please know that your emotions and feelings are completely valid. In situations like when people say you should smile more, they are referencing the expectation that women are meant to be quiet and compliant. I have reached a point where I overlook the negative connotations and take them all as a compliment because I know I struck a nerve and am moving in the right direction. I am standing against the societal norms for myself and women and girls everywhere. No matter what people expect of you, we are each different individuals with our own opinions and choices. We are not carbon copies.

Back in 2014 I went to Ireland on a trip with a Christian organization. When I got back, the first question I was asked was if I “met anyone over there.” We are constantly asked about our relationship status. I am here to say your relationship status or history does not define you. I repeat, your relationship status or history DOES NOT DEFINE YOU.

I think back to the show Gilmore Girls where Rory gained the nickname “Mary” from one of her classmates because of her assumed virgin status. On the other hand women are called “sluts” if they have any sort of “body count.” There is no actual standard and people will always have comments and opinions on your life and choices, most times these are unsolicited. But the only opinion that matters is your own. Marry if you want to marry, go on dates, remain single, etc. Do what is best for the most important person in your life- yourself.

Take beauty standards for example. They have constantly changed over the years- in Ancient Egypt, it was good to be slender, have a high-waist, and a symmetrical face. But if we look at the Italian Renaissance, rounded stomachs and full hips were the ideal look. (Yang, E. L., Celestino, M., & Koeppel, K. 2021).

There is no way anyone can actually live up to these standards. We are told that society’s standards are considered the definition of true beauty. But in reality, true beauty is when we do not live up to society’s standards for how or who we should be. True beauty comes from our differences. That goes for everyone, we should be celebrating our differences. No one has any actual right to comment on our bodies or to treat someone like an object.

Motherhood and home-making is another societal expectation. Some women have dreams and goals of being mothers which is an amazing dream. On the other hand there are women who have no desire to be mothers and some women want to be mothers and pursue a career at the same time. All of these choices are possible, attainable, and are fully okay. But we need to keep in mind that there are women who are unable to conceive. This does not make them lesser than anyone else, but the expectations and pressure that have been set make them feel as such. We need to be aware of the flaws within our society, this specifically is a big one. We need to normalize these situations and have a system in place to support them.

As the cliche goes “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt.” But from my experience, words do the most damage. If you take one thing away from this, know that your words have an effect on those around you- be aware of your surroundings. You never know what someone has been through.

We are not working to change the standards and perspectives for ourselves only, we are doing this for future generations. Above all, do not allow anyone else to define you. It is a learning process but you are not alone.

Eleanor Roosevelt once said,

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

References

Yang, E. L., Celestino, M., & Koeppel, K. (2021, February 2). Women’s Ideal Body Types Throughout History. BuzzFeed. https://www.buzzfeed.com/eugeneyang/womens-ideal-body-types-throughout-history#.avw4wZpn6o

“So you want to get yourself a Quarterback for a husband?”

I am a Sports major and with that comes unsolicited comments and assumptions much like the one above. This, while maybe well-intentioned, does more damage than good. I mean, you know what they say when you assume things? 👀

Thankfully, I can allow comments like these to simply roll off my back along with a minor eye roll. I do wonder sometimes though, aside from my love for the industry, why I chose such a challenging career path. I do believe my personality played a role. I am quite an independent and slightly sassy individual (okay…maybe not ‘slightly’). Just look at the movie characters I related to most- Anne Shirley, Mia Thermopolis, Princess Leia, Jo March, etc. But most of all, I learned from the woman who raised me. She is one of the strongest, bravest, and sweetest individuals I have ever known and she has quite a sassy backbone too (which is one of my favorite qualities about her). These are the women who influenced who I am today, gave me my fighting spirit, and inspired me. With that being said, if there is one thing I have learned about myself and many other women, we are not to be underestimated.

When I announced my choice of career, I was met with a lot of confusion. There is a stereotype that women do not know a lot about sports or they only pursue it to “fit in” with guys. Growing up I fit part of that stereotype too. I enjoyed watching different sports but never kept up with the facts and trivia of the industry. In fact, most of my sport knowledge came from my brother. I did play different sports but I played solely for fun rather than competitively. But how did I end up becoming a sports major in the first place?

Two years ago, I was feeling lost amidst the pandemic and being on furlough from a job that had been a huge part of my life and my personality. Up until then I had no career plan or even selected what to study to reach that. One day a friend invited me over to watch a Miami Dolphins game and as I watched the game- all I could think was “I want to be a part of this” and something clicked. I knew that Disney had the Aspire program which was an option for me to go to school free of the tuition and fees. So I began doing research….

Fast forward to today, I am majoring in Sports Management with a year left of school and a goal of event coordinating within the Industry. One of my class assignments was to interview people in my dream role. Given that my dream role is to event coordinate within the NFL, I figured it was highly unlikely anyone would contact me back but I sent the messages anyway. I quickly learned not to doubt because I ended up receiving multiple replies which has led to some amazing connections!

I chose to tell my story because you never know what the future holds and just because it may be additionally difficult or challenging is no reason to not go for it. The hard work will pay off, one way or another.

There has been growth for gender equality among the sports industry like equal pay among different sports. One of my favorite examples is how in the 1970’s Billie Jean King began the fight for equal championship money within Tennis and in the mid-2000’s that came to fruition with Venus Williams. Some other inequalities we see are the notable differences within the televised coverage of different events and the disparities between each NCAA team’s amenities. But we have been making more inclusive and diverse advances in the hiring process across the industry.

On the other hand though, there are steps to be taken by all of us to make it less challenging. Starting with comments like the one above, though it may be said in a joking manner, that does not mean it has no effect on the individuals who are listening. One simple way to make this change is to avoid comments that further the idea that women are weaker. It also diminishes the work of women who have been fighting for gender equality for years. My personal motivation is my love of football and comments like these personally make me even more determined. Contrary to popular belief I made this career choice for myself without men in mind. I am also motivated by the fact that I can continue breaking that glass ceiling for others and showing young girls that anything is possible. I want them to know they should not give up on their dreams and goals. If you only take one thing away from this, be aware of the comments you make because you never know who is listening.

“My Coach said I run like a girl and I said if he could run a little faster, he could too.”

– Mia Hamm

Does anyone else have a place they feel most at home? A place that is public but feels safe? Somewhere you can be yourself?

For me it is my local coffee shop. It is the place I come to meet up with friends and spill tea (figuratively speaking). Aside from my own bed, this is where I feel most comfortable. Coffee shops have always been that way for me, I even had my first date at one.

But what happens when something enters and disrupts that comfort zone? This was in the form of a “mysterious coffee shop guy” who we will call “Mark.” That is the name my friends gave him before I knew his actual name when I told them this story.

Note: This is an unfiltered diary with one exception, people’s actual names.

Now back to the topic at hand…

I come here frequently when I need to focus on homework and the like. A couple of months back I noticed him because we tended to be at the shop at the same time, which is not an unusual thing in this environment so I did not think much of it. Okay yes, if I am honest I did find him attractive but I have generally never been one to go up and initiate conversations with attractive individuals in my everyday life. Especially in a place where we come for uninterrupted work. I also knew there was no reason outside of that to introduce myself to him. Now enter the reason…

I was at work one day with characters at Tower of Terror. The point of that Character location is to interact with the guests in the ride queue and those below the balcony in the courtyard. It should also be noted that I am decent at remembering faces. I went up for one final time before my lunch break and took a look at the ride line and thought “why do I recognize that guy over there?” Quickly I realized it was “Mark.” We made eye contact, said nothing, and he continued on to the ride.

Because I am severely addicted to coffee, I get it at a cart by the exit of Tower on my lunch breaks. As we headed over I joked with my friend, “what if he’s exiting the ride while we are there?” She replied, “It is possible.” To which I chuckled in disbelief. As we waited for the drinks, take one guess at who exited the ride at that exact moment? “Mark.” We once again made eye contact, and this time around my friend caught him staring at me even after I looked away, so I assumed he may have recognized me as well.

After these instances I thought to myself, “If I ever wanted a reason to talk to him…this is it.” A couple of days later I planned, as per usual, to go do homework at the coffee shop. But I knew there was a chance I would run into him. I told myself I would only say something if the opportunity presented itself. I have forced things before and they did not work out. The only table available was next to his but I noted that he had headphones in and I did not want to be “that person” and interrupt. My head was going through all the nervous and anxious thoughts, like how others were sitting in our vicinity and would overhear my possible embarrassment. But shortly after that I saw my one and only opening, I said “what the hell” and walked up and introduced myself. This is not one of those fairy tale stories that ends with a “happily ever after.” We met literally days ago and have had brief conversations since but contrary to what you may think, this post is not actually about “Mark.”

Though I do consider myself a confident woman, I definitely have fears and insecurities which usually manifest themselves through nerves, anxiety, or “chickening out.” But that day I overcame that. I cannot even begin to fully explain the happiness and pride I have in myself for overcoming one of my biggest fears- rejection. That is truly one of the best feelings in the world. I had the opportunity to be confident and speak to “Mark” somewhere else. But being in my safe space in the coffee shop I felt more empowered to say hi, no matter the outcome. All of this to say, whatever your fear or hesitation- go for it, you never know where it could lead. Fearing rejection or a “no” is not a strong enough reason to not follow your gut and step out of your comfort zone. Who knows, you might miss out on something that could be amazing but will never know unless you take that step. But most importantly, do it for you and you alone.

Confidence is not ‘they will like me’. Confidence instead is ‘I’ll be fine if they don’t’.

-Christina Grimmie

Hi there! I’m Jess.

I want to kick this off with a short introduction. I am a 28 year old who currently works for a mouse as a Character Attendant but has dreams and goals of working in the Sports Industry- and I am currently going to school to reach that goal.

I am a very independent and determined female and that personality brings about quite a lot of stories which are likely relatable for others. That being said, if you have a personality that you would classify as “sassy, classy, and a bit smart-assy” then we will get along just fine.

This will be my public diary that I will be treating as a space to type out my thoughts and opinions on a wide variety of topics. But whether anyone actually reads this or not, all are welcome to join me on this crazy journey we call life because-

The current can be strong, but I’ll just keep swimming.